Last Christmas, First Christmas

Two Christmases ago, we had just received T's referral. Family and friends were seeing her face for the first time.

Last Christmas, everyone was asking when she would be home. In our minds, she was already several months late. We were getting very impatient with India. We would tell people, "maybe next month," and they would say that's what we always said, which was true. Because we never knew.

This Christmas, she's home! Two years after we passed her referral photo around, now she's passing hugs around at family gatherings. She's so affectionate with our extended family, who shower her with generosity and love. She actually feels loved by them, unconditionally, and that's huge for a little girl who has only been home for nine months, who still wonders aloud when we, her new parents, will want to trade her in for another child who is less noisy, more obedient, etc...oh, my dear one.

On Christmas Eve, we celebrated with two other local families who adopted children from India this year. These two families have been with us every step of the way. God brought us all together to raise funds for our adoptions, and though we don't see each other often enough, we are always on call for one another, to talk through the nitty gritty of adoption and compare experiences. It was breathtaking to see all our children under one roof, these children for whom we have all prayed for the past two years. Together with these families, we attended T's first Christmas Eve candlelight service. She knew all the songs, thanks to the months she and her classmates spent preparing for their school Christmas program.


It was lovely to have T all to ourselves on Christmas Day. Just the three of us with our dogs. T was thrilled when I let her uncover her eyes to see her brand new, pink bicycle from her grandparents.
She loved opening presents and was very excited to watch us open the presents she picked out for us at her school Christmas store.

A few days before Christmas, we were able to leave T with her Nanna and her cousins for two nights. We needed that time of quiet and solitude, out in a yurt in the woods with our dogs and a grill. T needed that time to play with her cousins and be spoiled by her grandmother.

We're so thankful for so many blessings this Christmas.
We wish you the peace and joy of Christ, today and always.

"Why You Adopt Me?"

I have learned that sitting around, doing not much of anything is the best way to get T to talk.
We have our best conversations in the car or sitting around the house without electronic stimulation.
The other night, she and I were sitting at the kitchen table. I was addressing Christmas cards and she was doing homework. All was quiet.

Suddenly, she looked up at me and asked, "Why you adopt me?"

My heart leapt to my chest. I looked up and gave her a playful smile, but her face was all seriousness.

I said something like, "Well, your dad and I wanted to adopt a little girl. We prayed and prayed that God would show us the right girl to adopt, and it was you."

T: "No it wasn't. You want just one child? There are lots of one child in India. You can adopt Pooja."(another girl in her orphanage.)

So I told her that we had decided to adopt the first child we were referred to. I told her about the night when we got her referral via email, how we were nervous and excited, how we knew we didn't have enough money, and how the adoption agent told us that if she were to be our child, God would provide the funds. I showed her the email with her photo, and she laughed at how different she looked then. I told her how God HAD provided the money we needed, and how everyone had prayed for her before she came home.

T: "How God give you money! What? It come down from sky?"
T: "How they pray for me? They not know me then!"

I listed names of people who had prayed for her and given money for the adoption. She was skeptical.

A few days later, she "confessed" that the manager of her orphanage was "just kidding" about her age and birthday. She told me her original family name and the date she believes she was born. I told her it didn't matter if she's 6 or 16. We love her. It doesn't matter when her birthday is. We love her. She can choose a date, or we can celebrate the date given by the orphanage, or we can celebrate every month. I told her I'm glad she remembers her family name, and that I would give her a journal in which to write all of her memories of India.

I say she "confessed," because her tone and manner made it seem as if she felt guilty that we were given false information. I told her the orphanage didn't know her family or when she was born, so they just had to guess.

Since then, she has opened up even more with memories of her birth family. Sometimes it seems as if she feels safe opening up to us, and sometimes it seems like she expects us to turn our backs on her if we find out "the truth."

We are thankful to have adopted an older child who remembers so much of her past. It's helpful to know a bit about her first years of life.

In many ways, we are just like her. We wonder why God chose to adopt us, as we are, as His children. We fear that God will one day find out the truth about us and reject us. It may be a long time before T fully grasps God's unconditional love for her. It's still hard for us to understand!

We want her to understand that we adopted her because God adopted us. We want her to know that she will always be our child and we will always love her and keep her, even when life gets tough.

As a side note, she's been teasing me about my muffin-top snacking belly lately. She said, "Maybe you could have a baby in there." I told her I didn't want to have a baby from my belly, because she's my baby and I just want her.

Reasons to Adopt Amazing Children

She will be your hairstylist, braiding and brushing and clipping until you're almost in a trance, followed by accessorizing with sparkly butterfly clips.

She will be your stretching exercise coach, rolling out your mat each morning without being asked, and correcting your poses when you get lazy about it.

She will remind you not to multi-task. "Are you playing computer or watching the show?"

She might be willing to feed the dogs.

She knows how to clean dishes, fold laundry and make beds!

If you tell her to clean her room, she will remind you that your room is messier than hers.

She will remind you that both of you are stinkers in need of grace and unconditional love.

She will complain about your busy American schedule, thereby reminding you to slow down.

If you say you're going upstairs to do your work, and she finds you streaming movies instead, she will report this to your spouse. Accountability, folks.

She will remind you to pray and read stories before bedtime.

She will not let you get away with a fashion faux pas.

She will remind you that if YOU lose YOUR patience, everything will fall apart. So stay calm.

She will teach you about her native culture and correct your strange, American habits.

You will notice that her tantrums resemble your tantrums, and that correcting her is kind of hypocritical, so you'll want to pray, "Lord have mercy." And hopefully, both of you will soon have fewer tantrums.

If you're a woman, and you don't cook, she will call you out.

If you're a man, and you're allowing a woman to drive the car, she will call you out.

If your flip-flops come off in the woods and you step on prickly stickers, she will say, "I told you not to take your shoes off. You hurt yourself."

You never want to get too comfortable, folks. 

Seeds of Love

 

This child is amazing.

Now that I've been working from home, we've made a few changes in our daily routines, and life has been so much better for all of us. T is more affectionate, more attached, less anxious, and so are we.

She had her first swimming lesson yesterday. In India, she swam in the river where her biological parents washed clothes. When I first suggested we go swimming, she wrinkled up her nose in disgust and said water is dirty and the fish will bite her feet. She was surprised and delighted the first time she saw a swimming pool with clean, clear water. Her apprehension quickly disappeared when she saw the splash fountains in a local pool. Now, she is confident and gleeful in the water. Maybe overly confident. She doesn't believe in drowning. So swim lessons it is. The best part of watching that lesson was how often she looked to me and my husband for approval each time she tried a new skill with my friend, her teacher.

Her favorite songs lately have come from the Muppet Movie and Vacation Bible School. She sings passionately, "Am I a mupppppeeet...or am I a man?" I'm thinking this will help her deal with any possible future identity crises. Hah. And her favorite song from VBS is the Seeds of Praise song, "Mighty to Save." She walks around
singing the words, "Zephaniah 3:17" over and over.

I'll admit, it wasn't easy to get her in the car for VBS every day this week. She seems to have more social anxiety since she's realized how her English skills compare to those of her peers. Happily, once she arrived at VBS each day, she had a blast, and proudly shows off the crafts she made there. In the car on the way home after one object lesson on building your house on a firm foundation, she pointed out to me that many buildings, including our house, were made of brick and therefore not likely to blow away. Then she got that lesson mixed up with The Three Little Pigs and started explaining that brick (she calls them rock) houses won't be easily blown down by bad wolves.

In the morning, she wants me to help her choose her clothes, and she wants to help choose mine. She complains that I wear the same things over and over again. She loves to play with my hair, putting it up in "levers" to make ponytails and pigtails.

She clung to me in public for the first time today, in the pet store as we waited for the clerk to give us advice on our three aquatic frogs. When I told her I was going to find a clerk to help us, she said, "Why, mom? I can help you!" Oh, I love her. Love her. Love her.

She loves our dogs. She had learned to use the word cuddle, and mostly in relation to cuddling with the dogs. She often speaks of her love for the dogs, though she's not yet comfortable using the "L" word with us yet. Completely understandable. She loves catching fireflies. She loves blowing bubbles. She loves drawing on the sidewalk with chalk.

It's not always easy, of course. The creation of this family over the past four months has been challenging for all three of us, as is normal and expected with adoption and all other feats of parenting.

I just read in another blog today, "The only way to care for the disadvantaged – is to disadvantage yourself –which is guaranteed to turn out for your advantage."

It's true. Love is a choice. This is what we signed up for. And it's exhausting and frustrating and stressful, but more than that, it's beautiful. T has changed our lives for good.

Not Only Skin Deep

Tarana had a fantastic six day beach vacation with my parents last week. She rolled around the water in a big, clear, plastic beach ball, went on a dolphin sightseeing boat, collected seashells, swam in the ocean, made sandcastles, played at a water park, and threw a few tantrums. She also decided she DOES NOT like to eat shrimp. Weirdo :)

When I met my parents to pick her up, she strolled into the restaurant beaming, browner than ever, wearing her shades, and said "rawr," with her dino claws in the air, acting out a "surprise" appearance. I hugged her and she started chattering away about her trip. The first thing she told me was that she saw dolphins at the beach and asked if I remembered when we saw dolphins at the aquarium one day when "I sad, but you and dad happy." Oh yes, I remember.

The second thing she told me, pointing to her cheeks, was, "Mom, look my face. Spots." Yep. She had sun pimples. Or something like that. And she was concerned. My newly adopted, six or seven-year-old Indian child is concerned about her pimples. I love that she turns to me for beauty solutions. She has mentioned her beauty concerns before. She is worried about other blemishes on her skin, too. She is fascinated by my morning and evening beauty routines, and often asks me to put some makeup on HER face, too. When she got home from the beach, I taught her how to wash her face, and now she proudly washes every night!

I have always been self-conscious about the blemishes on my face, too. I have tried so many products to clear up my skin! But nothing really works. And this really didn't matter until now, when I have my daughter's self-esteem to look after as well as my own. So I decided to try something new.

Because our finances have been so tight with our job transitions, and because I would love to have extra funds available to donate to other families' adoptions, I decided to become a consultant for Rodan and Fields, the dermatologists who created Proactive. These doctors have expanded their product line to include treatments for anti-aging, eczema, psoriasis, scars, dark spots, etc! I can't wait to use these products to help Tarana become more confident in her appearance!

For the months of June and July, I am donating fifty percent of my Rodan + Fields commission to friends who are in the beginning stages of their adoption! We have been so blessed by the generosity of God's people helping us in our adoption. Now, we want to be the ones to bless others in their adoption journey!

I'm so excited! And so nervous! I'm not a salesperson AT ALL! And I would never sell something I didn't believe to be useful and high-quality. So I'm trusting God to bless this business. After all, "unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain." (Psalm 127:1). I hope my investment in this business will not be in vain. I hope this will be an avenue of the Lord's provision for our family's financial needs and for the financial needs of other adoptive families. I also hope to find customers and teammates who will experience success with these products and feel more confident and beautiful!

End shameless plug.

In other news, please pray for us, specifically for a peaceful, on-schedule bedtime routine. Transitions are hard. Thank you for praying.

Business Links:
Fundraiser Facebook Page
My Rodan and Fields Business page

Lord, have mercy.

All the adoption training books and advisors say that newly adopted children should not be immediately subjected to the hectic schedules of their new families. That is exactly right. But that's not how it is with us, and so our house is out. of. control.

Ideally, I would be a stay-at-home mom. My husband would come home from work at the same time every night, and I would have supper ready so we could all eat together as a family. Tarana would have a set schedule. She would know what time to expect meals. She would know when we all wake up, who leaves the house when, what time we take a shower, and bedtime would be at the same time each and every night. There would be no meltdowns.

That's not gonna happen any time soon. I have been working irregular hours, and Kyle has been a stay-at-home dad most of the time. We did get her a calendar with photos to show what to expect each day, and that has helped some, but still. Oh. my. goodness. gracious.

This week, Kyle started going to school full time (PRAISE THE LORD FOR THE G.I. BILL), and Tarana started going to summer day camp (PRAISE THE LORD FOR OUR CHURCH). My work hours are still sporadic, and everyone is more exhausted at the end of the day. And the dishes are piled up in the sink. And there are toys strewn everywhere. And sometimes the dogs have to remind us about their meals. Chaos.

Evenings have been hard. Mornings have been hard. Kicking. Screaming. Thrashing. Arguing.
Lord, have mercy. Tarana is trying to show us that she needs a predictable schedule and much more of our attention. The more comfortable she becomes with us, the more she expresses her totally understandable outrage at being thrown into this new life full of uncertainties.

I know. I'm complaining. I'm sorry. And I know that none of these circumstances are surprising to God. He knew all about this before she came home. He knew I would be starting a crazy new job at almost the exact time that we got the call to go to India. This job has been God's provision for our family, and I am thankful. I am. Like it or not, we do need to earn money to buy food and shelter and our American lifestyle. God knows all of that. He's not surprised by any of this, and we are in the palm of His hands. And I trust Him. But it's hard.

Even still, going into this adoption, we knew it would be hard. We are just happy she's not running with knives. Yet. We are thankful for Tarana. She is perfect for us. And everything would be better if only we could have the ideal, predictably scheduled life we have dreamed of. Does anything ever work out exactly the way we plan? No. Because God's plan is always better than ours. There is a reason for every little detail. Every little inconvenience. Every little circumstance.

So what do you do when you've had all the best advice in the world, but you can't follow it because you don't have the time or resources? You pray. And you cry. And you reach out to your friends. Thank GOD for our community of supportive friends.

Happily, Tarana is often willing to discuss her feelings. She is so funny about the work situation. We tell her I have to work for money so we can buy food, so she points out all the cups of coins we have around the house and says we have plenty of money. She says if I don't like work, I should go to school with her and play like everybody else. She is sweet and considerate. And oh, is she ever passionate about EVERYTHING.

And soon, I will be finished with this sporadic job. I will have some summer time with my sweet girl, and then I will start working a more predictable job as a teacher at a new school. I will also be running a new home business with Rodan + Fields. And Kyle is loving school so far, which makes me everso happy. So the future is promising. And everything is going to be perfect. And there will be no more tantrums, ever. Right? A girl can dream.

 

the princess and the bear



Last week, Tarana accidentally left the door open, and our old, fat, yellow, completely necessary and beloved dog, Opus, snuck out of the house in search of adventure.

Tarana says (and demonstrates) that he must have sneakily tip-toed behind the couch as she and Kyle were watching TV. What a stinker, right?!

Kyle ran all around the neighborhood searching for Opus. We were so worried. I was at work, so all I could do was post a frantic facebook status. Minutes later, my cousin did an internet search and found Opus' photo on our city's local list of recently impounded animals. By that time, the pound had already scanned Opus for his microchip and called Kyle. Thank goodness the city made us get that microchip against our will!

Well, Tarana is very fond of Opus. When Kyle told her they would be able to get Opus out of "jail" the next day, she said she wanted him to stay there. She was adamant with both of us that she would not be going to get Opus out of jail. She obviously felt that her loyal friend, a dear loved one, had abandoned her, as she has been abandoned by others before. She was angry!

So I told her a story. Clearly, there must have been a bad bear roaming the neighborhood, threatening our family. The bear must have tried to come in our house, and Opus had to run it off. Opus succeeded in protecting our family, because we never did see that bear, but not without a fight. Unfortunately, a police officer drove by and saw the epic battle between that bad bear and our beloved Opus. And so both animals were arrested and taken to jail. It was just a misunderstanding. Since both animals were fighting, the police thought they were both bad.

Poor Opus, taking the fall for protecting our family.

Tarana was skeptical at first, but now this is the official story of Opus' having to spend a night away from home.

When she and Kyle went to bail Opus out the next day, Opus was thrilled to see them.

Walking out of the pound, Tarana looked at Kyle and said, "Where bear? Oh yeh. In jail." She's a believer, y'all.

After Opus was home, and when I came home from work, Tarana greeted me, enthusiastically waving this photo in her hand. "Look, mom!," she said. "Your princess and your bear!" This is because she knows how often we refer to Opus as our protector bear, and we always tell her that she is our precious, beautiful princess. Later, Tarana wanted to display the photo in the house. She taped it up on the map in my bedroom, right below India. She told Kyle she wanted it "on the wall so mom can see every morning." She knows I love her. And she knows how much time I spend looking at that map!

So my friends, I stand beside one of my favorite quotes, which says, "Fairy tales do not tell children the dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children the dragons can be killed."

Fairy tales are absolutely necessary. I will, therefore, make up fairy tales to explain anything and everything until the day I die. :)

humbling provision

Kyle and I attended a funeral last weekend. A retired Army Colonel with a quick wit and a heart of gold, a member of our closest family circle, and a friend to Tarana even though she never got to meet him. He had looked forward to meeting her and wanted her to call him "Big Poppy."

During the memorial service, one of John's sons told the story of how, when the Colonel found out how much money we needed to meet our adoption expenses and travel to India, he gladly sent us a check, without being asked.

He also insisted on knowing the names of the Indian judges in charge of her adoption case, just in case his powerful connections around the world might be able to help move things along for us. He was determined to do everything in his power to get her home, and for that we will be forever graeful.

He explained his contribution as "the right thing to do for a little girl."

His wife Sandra was equally supportive of our adoption process. She passed away less than a month before he did. We had planned to introduce Tarana to them last time we were in town, a week after Tarana came home, but John was in the hospital and didn't want Tarana to see him like that.

No one knew that Sandra was sick too until she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer a week after our missed chance to visit them. And now they're both gone. These friends who gave so generously to bring home a little girl they had never met will never meet her this side of heaven.

I hope they knew what a joyful, delightful child she is, and how much our family needed her.

John and Sandra are some of the many people who helped us bring our little girl home. When we started the adoption process, we had no idea where the money would come from. We certainly didn't have it. Not even in savings. There was no way we could have paid the adoption expenses ourselves. But the love, support and funds we needed poured in from the most unexpected people. And the most generous were those who had the least to give.

I can't even begin to list and thank everyone who helped, but you know who you are, and God knows who you are, and your support helped our hearts just as much as our fundraiser account. We know that even the grants we received came from individual donations made to the adoption grant organizations.

And then there were the friends who served us in other ways to meet our needs, by helping us sell our fundraising items, organizing a silent art auction, finding connections in India, providing us with cell phones for use in country, watching our dogs and stocking our pantry while we were in India, showering Tarana with gifts of clothing, books and toys, and helping us through this time of transition with patience and understanding.

We will always remember John and Sandra, and so many others who showed so much generosity toward Tarana and us.

I pray that we will never forget how God used the gifts of His people to bring our daughter home. May this always be a reminder of His never wavering faithfulness toward His people.
Thanks be to God.
 

mud and rain

“Two men look out the same prison bars; one sees mud and the other stars.”  
Sometimes it's hard to see the stars when there's so much mud.

I read somewhere that sometimes, what we really need is a friend who will sit with us in our mud puddles, who will be there for us in our messes, quietly, supportively.

That's why I didn't leave Tarana sitting on the curb alone this afternoon. Her tantrum was over, her grandparents had gone home, her dad hadn't yet returned from his weekend out of town and she was sitting there with her head in her hands, quietly crying, unable to communicate her feelings.

We sat there and stared out into the neighborhood. I told her about the birds singing, the dogs barking, the trees dancing, the sun shining, and the bugs crawling, until finally she heard me, and noticed an ant. It was a nice ant, she said, and it wouldn't bite her. It was crawling on her hand. And then we noticed a slug. And then a bug. And she was back.


I know there have been times when I've been too absorbed in disappointments to notice the beauty around me. I want to say I understand her inner turmoil, but I don't. How can I? I don't even know where she's been. I don't know what has happened to her in her life. I don't know how many people have left her and never returned. I've never been an orphan, never had a new family, never been forced into a new culture. In many ways, she doesn't fully understand us either. She doesn't understand how much we love her.

One of my favorite songs says, "I can't stop the rain from fallin' down on you again. I can't stop the rain, but I will hold you til it goes away."
I can't change Tarana's past or explain the confusion of her present circumstances, but I can sit with her on the curb while she cries and thinks, and I can distract her with stories about slugs and bugs.

Often, when she and Kyle drop me off at work, she covers her face so I can't kiss her goodbye. That's her way of showing me that she doesn't want me to leave. But I want her to know that I will never leave her, that I will always come back home. So I always kiss her anyway, and say "I love you and there's nothing you can do about it." And that's the truth.

Why Have Children?

Since Tarana's been home, more and more people have been asking me why we adopted. I get questions like, "what, you couldn't have your own kids?" Hmm...

And I'm not offended, really, ok, maybe a little annoyed by the implications of that question, as if biological children are more valuable and desirable than adopted children, but not offended, no.

So I started thinking about it. These are the questions we had to ask ourselves when we got married and pregnancy became possible. We wanted children. We love children! So how should we proceed? Should we pursue pregnancy right away or wait? Was it too early to pursue our dream of adoption?


If we had chosen to pursue pregnancy, why would that be?

Is it because my biological clock tells me it's about time I get pregnant?
Well, as a matter of fact, my biological clock does try to pull that one on me from time to time, but I just remind it that pregnancy is not the plan for our family.

Do we need to populate the earth?
No, that's already been overdone.

Do we need to produce an heir?
No, we're not royalty, so the inheritance we pass on to our children won't have to be determined by blood relation.

Do we want to carry on the family name?
No, we don't, and even if we did think that a matter of importance, our brothers have already taken care of that for us. Thanks, brothers. :) And...adopted children get to own the family name as equally as biological children, so no. Not an issue.
As Kyle says, adopted children are just as important to the family name as biological children because it's not the 7th century and we're not warring clans between vikings and Anglo-Saxons trying to divide territories based on bloodlines.

Do we need to produce workers to carry on the family business?
Nope.

Do we want to reproduce to carry on our good genes?
No. I mean, I know what you're thinking. It's a shame not to bless the world by passing on our genetic charm, good looks and superior intelligence, but we're just not into that. Nobody's perfect.

Should we have children because children are a joy and a blessing?
Yes! And guess what? Adopted children are just as much fun as biological children! True story!

As for questions about why we should adopt, well I could go on and on. Do you really want to get me started on that?

I love all of you who have and are choosing to grow your families by birthing babies, but that's just not our calling.

one month in

Tarana has been home a month now. She is beautiful. She is brilliant. She is opinionated. She is talented.

We are so thankful for her! I stare at her and the mantra in my mind is "Thank you, thank you, thank you, Jesus."

I love her sweet good morning smiles. I love her loud, joyful laughter. I even love her for her moments of rebellion and defiance because it means she trusts us enough to disagree with us, and she values herself enough to make her preferences known. I love to see her jump on the bed and on the couch, even though she's usually still wearing her shoes and it makes a mess. I love to see her playing with our dogs.

I love her innocence. Other six and seven-year-olds I know are crushing on pop stars and mimicing fashion trends. She is picky about the clothes she chooses each day, but she isn't concerned with fashion trends at all, to be sure. She dresses as she wishes, and we don't interfere!

Tarana is into princesses, nursery songs, animals, books and dolls. She laughs hysterically at Disney movies, and jumps up and down when she hears the Veggie Tales theme song. When we clap, dance and sing at home, she joins in. She is such a joyful child!

She eats a lot! And she's no longer vegetarian! Her choice! She asked for meat about two weeks after being home. To be sure she knew what she was eating, we showed her pictures of the animals before we served her, but she wanted to eat it anyway, and she loves it! So we all eat the same food now, except she loves eggplant (a favorite from India, she says) and I can't eat that. I'm allergic.

She loves interacting with other kids, and mothers the smallest ones. She is so gentle with babies, and delighted to be with them! She comments on their small hands, feet and smiles.

She and Kyle have so much fun together during the day while I'm at work. When I come home, she and I go on walks together and talk about the day. I love the way she uses her developing English to speak her mind.

We have fun with our morning and bedtime routines. Nights can be the hardest times for her, emotionally, but she makes it through, and she loves story time! Sometimes, in the middle of the night, she calls my name. Thank goodness for the baby monitors connecting our bedrooms! Kyle says that Tarana's voice calling out to me is the only sound that will wake me up at night, and I think he's right! She wakes me up because she's cold and needs to be tucked in, or hot and needs the fan turned on, or itchy and needs lotion applied. I've been surprised to discover that I don't mind getting up in the middle of the night for her. I love being able to meet her needs. I love being her mom.  

turn that frown upside down

Praise the Lord for Hindi speakers.

We took Tarana on a five-hour car trip this weekend for my sister’s wedding.

The night before we left, I was praying with Tarana at bedtime, thanking Jesus for our family members and asking protection for our travel. Tarana started crying and said “No grandmother home. Please, mom.” She cried herself to sleep as a comforted her as best I could, given the language barrier. I knew she was probably confused. She loves her grandparents, but she couldn't bear the idea that we might be taking her to another home to drop her off.

The next day, she protested and protested as we were packing our bags and loading the car. She cried, begged, threw things at us, stomped on her things, ripped paper, anything she could do to show us she didn’t want to go. We didn’t know how to tell her that we weren’t taking her to a new home! So we had to carry her to the car and buckle her in. She protested the seatbelt and tried to open the car door, but eventually we calmed her down. 

We had some happy moments on the trip, like when I showed her how to climb and slide inside the McDonald’s play place and when we stopped at a rest area and picked flowers and talked about birds. She was OK then. It’s when we buckled her back into the car that she cried and begged us not to take her.

When we were about ten minutes from my parents’ house, I pointed out an airplane flying in the sky. And she immediately threw up. So I knew she thought we were about to put her back on a plane, and we tried again to convince her that it was a short trip and we’d return home on Sunday, but she just didn't believe us.

Tarana was a trooper through the bridesmaid’s luncheon, the wedding rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner. She was pouty, but gave us some smiles and was kind to the new people she was meeting. She did throw tantrums at bedtime and bath time, but who can blame her? She was so confused!

She even did a great job walking down the aisle with me during the wedding ceremony! She was the flower girl and I was the matron of honor. She protested her role as flower girl, so she carried my bouquet while I carried her basket. She stood beside me during the ceremony, watching my sister, the beautiful bride, in awe. She decided to throw the flower petals during the recessional, as she walked back down the aisle with the ring bearers. That was fine with us.

As the bridal party stood outside for photos after the wedding, Tarana played nearby. When we told her it was time for our family to be photographed with the bride and groom, she protested. My husband had to pick her up and bring her to the photo spot, and she had a meltdown. In the photos, she is covering her face and crying. 

We felt so sad for her. I tried to comfort her, but then she kicked off her shoes and threw her garland on the ground. So I carried her to the other side of the church where there was a playground. I put her down, but she wouldn’t move. 

One of the wedding guests brought her a big Dora coloring book and crayons, which she ignored until I threatened to color the watermelon blue, and that just wouldn’t do, so she started coloring it red. Her grandmother brought her some snacks from the reception, and they sat there on the sidewalk for a long time until she was calm enough to join everyone in the reception hall. 

There, she was introduced to two of my sister’s friends from India, who spoke to her in Hindi. Tarana told those girls that our family was en route back to India. Oh. So that explains it. They told her we’re not taking her back to India, but back to our house with her toys and her dogs, and she was so relieved! They also explained to her that we were at her aunt’s wedding and would be returning to our house soon. "A wedding?" she said. "Home?" she asked. Until that moment, Tarana had had no idea what was going on! Our English explanations just hadn’t cut it! Once she understood the situation, her frown turned upside down and she was happy for the rest of the visit!

             

We went into this trip knowing it was too early for a newly adopted child to participate in such a big event in a new place, with several nights away from her new home, but what choice did we have? We had to attend this once-in-a-lifetime celebration! It was God's grace that redeemed the situation. We are thankful to God and thankful to our family and friends who helped her along the way. 

There is no way we could have made her understand the purpose of our trip using English. We thank God for these Indian girls who made such a difference in Tarana’s heart. And thankfully, they gave us their phone numbers and told her she can call them any time she’s confused.Thanks be to God.

Tarana has been much happier ever since, singing, dancing, laughing, chattering and even giving hugs and cuddles! And tonight, she told us she loves us! :) :) :) We are so in love with her.

photos

 We're home!

my kind of girl

This little kid knows a lot more than she lets on. Today in the airplane, she said “game,” put on her pouty face and made some whiny noises. I told her to say “please,” because we’re trying to work on manners from the get go. She looks at me and says, “Give me the game, please.” What? That’s maybe the third complete sentence she’s spoken to me. The only other one I remember was “I’m fine, thank you,” in response to our daily “Good Morning, how are you?” routine. She’s going to be speaking like any other American six-year-old real soon, I can tell.

One of her most delightful behaviors is that she acts out our mommy-daughter interactions with her Barbie. If I bathe her, she bathes her Barbie. If I brush her hair, she brushes Barbie’s hair. If I tuck her in, she tucks Barbie in. I love being her mommy!

She’s kind of OCD like me, except not like me, because she can’t seem to tolerate messiness, and I’m MESSY. She always wants everything in it’s proper place. She’s always smoothing down blankets and rearranging things according to her sense of order. She gets very upset if we have trash and have to carry it with us awhile before we can find a trash can. In the Frankfurt airport, she insisted on changing her clothes, since she spilled some powdered creamer on her shirt in the plane.

I bit into a hot pepper on the plane and Tarana, seeing my distress, offered me her cup of yogurt because she’s Indian and she knows that yogurt is the solution to too much spice.

She is way into Disney already, totally mesmerized by the movies Enchanted and Mary Poppins. It made my heart so happy to see her laughing at Bert and friends floating on the ceiling from so much laughter.

She knows a lot of songs! She can sing “If you’re happy and you know it” and “Jingle Bells.” She knows about Santa Claus…he visited the orphanage! We’ve seen pictures!

She’s vegetarian. She’s never had meat, and coke makes her throw up. So we’re going to ease her into the American diet sloooowly. We’re not even going to give her meat broth until after my sister’s wedding in a little over a week. 

oh, and p.s. We are SO thankful to all our friends and family helping us with things like communication, transportation, housesitting, dogsitting, kitchen stocking and child care.  We are so blessed by our family and community!

such a smartie pants

Wow, what a great three days we’ve had being mom and dad to our sweet, spunky little Tarana. She’s a trip, y’all. On the first day, she just waltzed right into the office, looked at both of us and said, “Hello! Mom! Dad!” And just stood there looking at us. We didn’t know what to do! Should we hug her? Kiss her? Shake her hand? So we just stared back at her. There went my fantasy of video recording our first meeting, like it was supposed to play out like some silly Lifetime movie or something, but that was OK. It was just right the way it happened. She is full of life and eager to show off. We love her.

She likes to color in the Veggie Tales coloring book we brought. She was frustrated that none of the crayons looked properly black to her. She has a vision for her artwork, and the choices of colors we provided just weren’t cutting it. Oh, and the other color she requested again and again was “sky blue.” Lucky her, we had that one.

She loves our camera. She has learned to use it, mostly teaching herself, but also coming to us for help.

We communicate well enough. She has enough English vocabulary to let us know what she wants with single words or short phrases. Mostly we communicate with facial expressions and body language. She loves the word “no,” and is a pro with the pouty face. We’ll have to work on that.

She can tell us if she’s hot, tired or hungry. She can say “water” when she’s thirsty. She knows her colors and animals…she even identified a sparrow and a penguin! (She has a stuffed animal sparrow we brought, and there was a penguin in one of the photos we showed her.)

She loves to demonstrate her understanding of the alphabet and counting. She begs to use the computer, just so she can type. Kyle introduced her to a game on his iphone today while we were waiting at the clinic, and she’s way into that.

Tomorrow is visa day! We have an appointment with the embassy, but there is still a form missing from the government. It’s supposed to go straight to the embassy when it’s ready, so please pray that it does! When we left the orphanage today, I told Tarana we would be back tomorrow, and she said, “yes, Thursday”…except she pronounced it “Terzday.” She’s so cute.

In India!

We got permission to travel on Friday, and stayed online and on the phone all day to book our flights. We had a problem booking Tarana because she only has one legal name, but we got it worked out! Thank goodness!

We booked a hotel, but then found out there were more than one with the same name, so we had trouble getting in touch with them to schedule airport pickup, but we got that worked out, too! We’re thankful for internet at the airports!

Thankfully, after 40 hours of no sleep while we arranged everything, we got lots of sleep on the flight, so we were able to navigate with more presence of mind than we had at the airports stateside. And we got to watch Life of Pi on the plane! Such a beautiful movie!

What an interesting car ride we had between the airport and hotel! We saw lots of animals on the sides of the road, lots of vans packed with big families, and yes, the beggars tapped on our windows while we waited at traffic lights. But I hid my face on Kyle’s shoulder, because I just can’t handle that sight and I know those women and children don’t get any money they receive from begging.

Arriving at the hotel, the driver drove up on the sidewalk, in between two rows of parked cars. A dog walked by as our bags were unloaded. To check in, we simply signed a huge hotel log book and followed the luggage handler upstairs. We’re definitely in India! I even got to use a squatty potty at the airport! Thankfully, we have a real potty in the hotel room. :)

We get to meet our daughter tomorrow! Thank you so much for your prayers! We are just absolutely giddy to be here!

the end of the tunnel

I dreamed this blog entry. 

One month after the finalization of our adoption, two weeks after the due date for our daughter's passport has passed, I'm constantly dreaming of her...talking to her, playing with her, hugging her, writing about her, talking about her. All night in my dreams.

She knows we're coming. The orphanage told her she would be leaving soon. She probably doesn't know that other children there will be leaving around the same time, or that one of her bunk buddies will be living just a few miles away with our friends! She doesn't know who we are or how we look, but she knows we're her mama and daddy. 

I'm going crazy. The other day, I decided we shouldn't wait anymore. We should just go over there and make it happen. We had already contacted a travel agent about booking flights. We were deciding on a place to stay.

But then our adoption agent talked some sense into me. With the new laws, we won't be allowed to see her until she receives her passport, even though we have guardianship, even though she's legally ours. So we will wait. and wait. and wait.

Our adoption agent says it gets harder and harder the closer it gets to "the light at the end of the tunnel." So since it's so hard for me now, we must be really close. That's what she said. So I will try to believe it.

She said we should get on with our lives, and our daughter will come when she's ready. She's a tough cookie, our daughter. If she were fragile, she wouldn't be alive, considering what she's already been through.

So we shouldn't worry about bringing her to a family wedding soon after her arrival and we shouldn't worry about having her arrival interrupting our school and work schedules, because she will come when she comes, and we will be so happy to have her here, and it won't matter how we have to adjust our schedules.

India is dragging their feet. We are obsessing. But all will come together in God's perfect timing, and we will be overjoyed whenever that happens.

legal motivation

Last year on the evening of my birthday, I sat huddled on a couch with several other adoptive moms, oohing and ahhing over referral photos, theirs and ours. We shared Indian food that night, and they gave me an Indian themed birthday cake. It was a very happy gathering.

A year later, God has given us what then seemed to be an impossible amount of money for adoption fees and travel costs.

This year on my birthday, we will be researching to find the best hotels and airline itineraries for our trip. We're really hoping to travel this month!

We really need you to pray. Four weeks ago, we were told that the adoption has been finalized. Estimated wait time from that point was said to be two to four weeks. You can see why we're getting anxious now! We've had no updates in nearly four weeks!

There's no way we can travel this month unless God changes the priorities of the people in charge of preparing needed documents. 

As far as we know, there are officials sitting in offices, choosing not to process our paperwork. We don't know whether to blame excessive work loads or lack of motivation. Either way, I know God can prompt these people to act on our behalf! Please pray for that to happen!

We need someone in the orphanage to complete the "adoption deed" and send it to us so we can send it to the embassy in Delhi. At that point, someone needs to choose to do the work of creating a passport for our daughter. She is legally ours, but we need the legal documents to prove it so we can go get her and bring her home!

Three other adoptive families who joined us in our celebrations last year are also waiting for permission to travel to India to bring their children home. Wouldn't it be amazing if some of us could travel together?!

Thank you for your prayers! Our little girl will be home soon!

nesting

She's got three tutus, an Auburn cheerleader outfit, dolls, books, a kitchen play set, and toys galore. The royal baby's nursery has got nothin' on our daughter's room.

Her closet and drawers are full of clothes ranging from sizes 4T to 8T. So many cute little things, hand-me-downs and gifts from friends. I wonder what size she'll wear? We'll have to take outfits in several sizes to India with us. Surely something will fit her for the journey home.

Finally, I'm allowing myself to touch and sort these things of hers. Family members had to do this for me before, because I wasn't ready. Before we knew the adoption was finalized, I couldn't handle it. Only now that I know she's ours am I ready to to really focus on preparations for her arrival.

So I've been spending a lot of time upstairs. I've strung colorful lights over her window and hung some pictures on the walls. I've got her closet mostly in order, and her dolls and stuffed animals on display. Her bed is made and her clothes are organized and put away.

I expedited our visa applications to the consulate yesterday, so hopefully we will be ready to travel when India calls to say our daughter has her passport!

Now we are discussing travel plans, where to stay, who to hire, what to do with our dogs while we're away. So much to think about!

We are so thankful and so, so, so excited!