All the adoption training books and advisors say that newly adopted children should not be immediately subjected to the hectic schedules of their new families. That is exactly right. But that's not how it is with us, and so our house is out. of. control.
Ideally, I would be a stay-at-home mom. My husband would come home from work at the same time every night, and I would have supper ready so we could all eat together as a family. Tarana would have a set schedule. She would know what time to expect meals. She would know when we all wake up, who leaves the house when, what time we take a shower, and bedtime would be at the same time each and every night. There would be no meltdowns.
That's not gonna happen any time soon. I have been working irregular hours, and Kyle has been a stay-at-home dad most of the time. We did get her a calendar with photos to show what to expect each day, and that has helped some, but still. Oh. my. goodness. gracious.
This week, Kyle started going to school full time (PRAISE THE LORD FOR THE G.I. BILL), and Tarana started going to summer day camp (PRAISE THE LORD FOR OUR CHURCH). My work hours are still sporadic, and everyone is more exhausted at the end of the day. And the dishes are piled up in the sink. And there are toys strewn everywhere. And sometimes the dogs have to remind us about their meals. Chaos.
Evenings have been hard. Mornings have been hard. Kicking. Screaming. Thrashing. Arguing.
Lord, have mercy. Tarana is trying to show us that she needs a predictable schedule and much more of our attention. The more comfortable she becomes with us, the more she expresses her totally understandable outrage at being thrown into this new life full of uncertainties.
I know. I'm complaining. I'm sorry. And I know that none of these circumstances are surprising to God. He knew all about this before she came home. He knew I would be starting a crazy new job at almost the exact time that we got the call to go to India. This job has been God's provision for our family, and I am thankful. I am. Like it or not, we do need to earn money to buy food and shelter and our American lifestyle. God knows all of that. He's not surprised by any of this, and we are in the palm of His hands. And I trust Him. But it's hard.
Even still, going into this adoption, we knew it would be hard. We are just happy she's not running with knives. Yet. We are thankful for Tarana. She is perfect for us. And everything would be better if only we could have the ideal, predictably scheduled life we have dreamed of. Does anything ever work out exactly the way we plan? No. Because God's plan is always better than ours. There is a reason for every little detail. Every little inconvenience. Every little circumstance.
So what do you do when you've had all the best advice in the world, but you can't follow it because you don't have the time or resources? You pray. And you cry. And you reach out to your friends. Thank GOD for our community of supportive friends.
Happily, Tarana is often willing to discuss her feelings. She is so funny about the work situation. We tell her I have to work for money so we can buy food, so she points out all the cups of coins we have around the house and says we have plenty of money. She says if I don't like work, I should go to school with her and play like everybody else. She is sweet and considerate. And oh, is she ever passionate about EVERYTHING.
And soon, I will be finished with this sporadic job. I will have some summer time with my sweet girl, and then I will start working a more predictable job as a teacher at a new school. I will also be running a new home business with Rodan + Fields. And Kyle is loving school so far, which makes me everso happy. So the future is promising. And everything is going to be perfect. And there will be no more tantrums, ever. Right? A girl can dream.
Ideally, I would be a stay-at-home mom. My husband would come home from work at the same time every night, and I would have supper ready so we could all eat together as a family. Tarana would have a set schedule. She would know what time to expect meals. She would know when we all wake up, who leaves the house when, what time we take a shower, and bedtime would be at the same time each and every night. There would be no meltdowns.
That's not gonna happen any time soon. I have been working irregular hours, and Kyle has been a stay-at-home dad most of the time. We did get her a calendar with photos to show what to expect each day, and that has helped some, but still. Oh. my. goodness. gracious.
This week, Kyle started going to school full time (PRAISE THE LORD FOR THE G.I. BILL), and Tarana started going to summer day camp (PRAISE THE LORD FOR OUR CHURCH). My work hours are still sporadic, and everyone is more exhausted at the end of the day. And the dishes are piled up in the sink. And there are toys strewn everywhere. And sometimes the dogs have to remind us about their meals. Chaos.
Evenings have been hard. Mornings have been hard. Kicking. Screaming. Thrashing. Arguing.
Lord, have mercy. Tarana is trying to show us that she needs a predictable schedule and much more of our attention. The more comfortable she becomes with us, the more she expresses her totally understandable outrage at being thrown into this new life full of uncertainties.
I know. I'm complaining. I'm sorry. And I know that none of these circumstances are surprising to God. He knew all about this before she came home. He knew I would be starting a crazy new job at almost the exact time that we got the call to go to India. This job has been God's provision for our family, and I am thankful. I am. Like it or not, we do need to earn money to buy food and shelter and our American lifestyle. God knows all of that. He's not surprised by any of this, and we are in the palm of His hands. And I trust Him. But it's hard.
Even still, going into this adoption, we knew it would be hard. We are just happy she's not running with knives. Yet. We are thankful for Tarana. She is perfect for us. And everything would be better if only we could have the ideal, predictably scheduled life we have dreamed of. Does anything ever work out exactly the way we plan? No. Because God's plan is always better than ours. There is a reason for every little detail. Every little inconvenience. Every little circumstance.
So what do you do when you've had all the best advice in the world, but you can't follow it because you don't have the time or resources? You pray. And you cry. And you reach out to your friends. Thank GOD for our community of supportive friends.
Happily, Tarana is often willing to discuss her feelings. She is so funny about the work situation. We tell her I have to work for money so we can buy food, so she points out all the cups of coins we have around the house and says we have plenty of money. She says if I don't like work, I should go to school with her and play like everybody else. She is sweet and considerate. And oh, is she ever passionate about EVERYTHING.
And soon, I will be finished with this sporadic job. I will have some summer time with my sweet girl, and then I will start working a more predictable job as a teacher at a new school. I will also be running a new home business with Rodan + Fields. And Kyle is loving school so far, which makes me everso happy. So the future is promising. And everything is going to be perfect. And there will be no more tantrums, ever. Right? A girl can dream.
How would Tarana feel about 6 days at the beach with Mama Ginni and Daddy Jim?
ReplyDeletehaha There will always be tantrums even and especially when she's a teenager. Where there are girls there is drama. Sure there are those rare exceptions, the perfect child who is just ever so easy on her parents, but typically there is drama drama drama. Yes a schedule would help her understand what to expect, but I guarantee no matter how perfect the situation she would still throw the occasional tantrum. She sounds like a very passionate spirited child and therefore she is likely to always get emotional super easy. It will always present you with challenges, but I am also willing to bet that because of that super passionate personality you will also have a very special bond with her over the years since she will be more willing to communicate than some other people's children. People with that much personality tend not to have a very hard time communicating their feelings and that is a huge blessing. I'm sure you are doing an amazing job as her mother. Just have faith in your ability and the good Lord's guidance. It won't always be smooth, but the blessings will always outweigh the troubles.
ReplyDelete