The Culture Bearer

rolling pin

cookie cutter

We woke up the day before Christmas Eve with nothing on the agenda. I looked at my husband and said, "I feel like I should be doing something Christmasy with her...like baking cookies?" Being the excellent husband he is, and the official maker of food in our household, he looked up recipes so we could bake cookies from scratch. He whipped out some makeshift tools, a Nalgene "rolling pin" and kid cup "cookie cutters" and set up a cookie factory on our kitchen table. There were green-iced sugar cookies and chocolate chip cookies...even a few Heath and Reese's cookies. Despite having no butter for the recipes and burning a few batches, the cookies turned out great and we all ate until our tummies ached. 

We've covered all our bases, I suppose. T wore a beautiful Christmas dress and sang in a Christmas program at school. There have been ugly sweaters and Christmas parties. We've exchanged gifts with friends and neighbors, and Santa has been informed of T's wishes. We've made a halfway effort to follow the Advent traditions with candles and prayers and readings found on smartphones at the last minute. This is only my second Christmas being the mama, the culture bearer, and I still wonder if I'm getting it right. Am I giving her the best memories and does she see Jesus in Christmas? Do I see Jesus in Christmas?

I often think what a relief it is to have adopted an older child who has no expectations of the Christmas experience. As far as I know, she doesn't expect to be given a certain number of presents. She probably couldn't list off the many foods one should expect to find at a Christmas dinner table. She seems open to whatever traditions we throw her way and eager to learn as she goes.

She's still figuring it all out. She asked me the other day why our family doesn't light up and decorate the exterior of our house like some families around town. She wanted to know why it's so important to me to send out so many Christmas cards. She wondered why we would give gifts without expecting to receive gifts in return. She asks about Santa. We have discussed it many times. In some ways, we want her to experience the magic and make-believe of surrounding Santa Claus, but we don't push it. She remembers all those Decembers without Santa.We let her decide for herself.

So, since she's growing up in a subculture of people who can generally buy whatever they want whenever they want it, she won't see any extravagant gift-giving this year. I do hope we can one day show her what it means to meet the real material needs of others.

Tonight, we're worshiping with our church family. Tomorrow morning, we plan to sleep in and let the morning unfold as it will, in hopes that we will all remember Jesus and the Love that came down when He came to dwell among us.

May the love and peace of Christ give you peace in this season of busyness, and may all the mamas remember, as I should, it's not about our adequacy as the culture bearers.  Jesus' grace is sufficient for us and His strength is made perfect in our weakness. May we "treasure up all these things in our hearts."

Baby Fever

A friend texted me today, saying she has baby fever and hopes her birth control will fail so she can have a baby. She asked if I ever feel that way. Well, yes, I do. About once a month, I have to wrestle with the deep reasons in my heart and talk myself back into continuing to use birth control. Because I just can't bring myself to believe that pregnancy is the right path for us. Because there are too many children who aren't wanted. And if I produce another one, what if that means one less child will be adopted into our family because one more child was born into my family?

I don't think that's the answer for everyone. Every child born into this world is a result of God's will. You end up with however many children God has planned for you, one way or another. And if God wills that I give birth at some point, we would rejoice in His will. Nothing is stopping Him from bypassing some silly birth control...as if we're in control.

So many of my friends and family members are expecting babies soon, and I am thrilled for them! I can't wait to cuddle those new babies, knitted together in my friends' wombs. I just really wish all babies born into the world were as wanted and celebrated as these.

I want to bring more children into my family who are unwanted by their biological families. It's a struggle.

Not everyone is called to adopt, but I am.

"Jesus said, 'Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.'" Matthew 19:15

The Force is Strong with this One - Gotcha Day Anniversary

March 4, 2013

Playing with Dad, October 2013

New Delhi on Gotcha Day, March 2013

 

It's been a year. A whole year since we were given custody of T in India. Today is what the adoption world sometimes calls "Gotcha Day." A year ago today, we rode away from the orphanage for the last time. We stayed one night in a hotel together as a family, and started our long journey home the next morning. 

October 2013

On this day in 2013, we signed the papers, changed her into the first new clothes she'd ever owned, took her to the park to play and ate at a fancy outdoor restaurant, where we took great care to ensure that her meal was strictly vegetarian. We arrived in our hotel room and she asked us, "America?" We ordered room service and she looked at us nervously before digging into her rice. Would we allow her to eat with her hands? We did. She's got some serious rice eating skills. She got her first Barbie doll and snuggled up to me to sleep.

All the while, my husband and I exchanged looks of awe. We still do.

We say "the force is strong with this one." She is a force to be reckoned with. She is powerful.

Goodbye, India! March 2013

She is passionate. She is hilarious. She calls us out. She makes us laugh. She makes us melt. She makes us crazy. She makes us happy.

She's a princess and a warrior. She loves pink and piles on the accessories. She tromps around in the mud and the creek and plays in the rain until she's soaked to the bone. She blows kisses and throws tantrums. She has lots of friends and carries an air of confidence everywhere she goes. She adores teacher and excels in school.

She is so, so smart. She questions everything. She reads our mail. She finishes our sentences. She is musical, always singing.

February 2014

"How do you keep a wave upon the sand?...
How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?
She is gentle! She is wild!
She's a riddle! She's a child!
She's a headache! She's an angel!
She's a girl!"

Just like her Mama. Because,
She's my daughter. Our daughter.
God is good. Thanks be to God.