I have learned that sitting around, doing not much of anything is the best way to get T to talk.
We have our best conversations in the car or sitting around the house without electronic stimulation.
The other night, she and I were sitting at the kitchen table. I was addressing Christmas cards and she was doing homework. All was quiet.
Suddenly, she looked up at me and asked, "Why you adopt me?"
My heart leapt to my chest. I looked up and gave her a playful smile, but her face was all seriousness.
I said something like, "Well, your dad and I wanted to adopt a little girl. We prayed and prayed that God would show us the right girl to adopt, and it was you."
T: "No it wasn't. You want just one child? There are lots of one child in India. You can adopt Pooja."(another girl in her orphanage.)
So I told her that we had decided to adopt the first child we were referred to. I told her about the night when we got her referral via email, how we were nervous and excited, how we knew we didn't have enough money, and how the adoption agent told us that if she were to be our child, God would provide the funds. I showed her the email with her photo, and she laughed at how different she looked then. I told her how God HAD provided the money we needed, and how everyone had prayed for her before she came home.
T: "How God give you money! What? It come down from sky?"
T: "How they pray for me? They not know me then!"
I listed names of people who had prayed for her and given money for the adoption. She was skeptical.
A few days later, she "confessed" that the manager of her orphanage was "just kidding" about her age and birthday. She told me her original family name and the date she believes she was born. I told her it didn't matter if she's 6 or 16. We love her. It doesn't matter when her birthday is. We love her. She can choose a date, or we can celebrate the date given by the orphanage, or we can celebrate every month. I told her I'm glad she remembers her family name, and that I would give her a journal in which to write all of her memories of India.
I say she "confessed," because her tone and manner made it seem as if she felt guilty that we were given false information. I told her the orphanage didn't know her family or when she was born, so they just had to guess.
Since then, she has opened up even more with memories of her birth family. Sometimes it seems as if she feels safe opening up to us, and sometimes it seems like she expects us to turn our backs on her if we find out "the truth."
We are thankful to have adopted an older child who remembers so much of her past. It's helpful to know a bit about her first years of life.
In many ways, we are just like her. We wonder why God chose to adopt us, as we are, as His children. We fear that God will one day find out the truth about us and reject us. It may be a long time before T fully grasps God's unconditional love for her. It's still hard for us to understand!
We want her to understand that we adopted her because God adopted us. We want her to know that she will always be our child and we will always love her and keep her, even when life gets tough.
As a side note, she's been teasing me about my muffin-top snacking belly lately. She said, "Maybe you could have a baby in there." I told her I didn't want to have a baby from my belly, because she's my baby and I just want her.
We have our best conversations in the car or sitting around the house without electronic stimulation.
The other night, she and I were sitting at the kitchen table. I was addressing Christmas cards and she was doing homework. All was quiet.
Suddenly, she looked up at me and asked, "Why you adopt me?"
My heart leapt to my chest. I looked up and gave her a playful smile, but her face was all seriousness.
I said something like, "Well, your dad and I wanted to adopt a little girl. We prayed and prayed that God would show us the right girl to adopt, and it was you."
T: "No it wasn't. You want just one child? There are lots of one child in India. You can adopt Pooja."(another girl in her orphanage.)
So I told her that we had decided to adopt the first child we were referred to. I told her about the night when we got her referral via email, how we were nervous and excited, how we knew we didn't have enough money, and how the adoption agent told us that if she were to be our child, God would provide the funds. I showed her the email with her photo, and she laughed at how different she looked then. I told her how God HAD provided the money we needed, and how everyone had prayed for her before she came home.
T: "How God give you money! What? It come down from sky?"
T: "How they pray for me? They not know me then!"
I listed names of people who had prayed for her and given money for the adoption. She was skeptical.
A few days later, she "confessed" that the manager of her orphanage was "just kidding" about her age and birthday. She told me her original family name and the date she believes she was born. I told her it didn't matter if she's 6 or 16. We love her. It doesn't matter when her birthday is. We love her. She can choose a date, or we can celebrate the date given by the orphanage, or we can celebrate every month. I told her I'm glad she remembers her family name, and that I would give her a journal in which to write all of her memories of India.
I say she "confessed," because her tone and manner made it seem as if she felt guilty that we were given false information. I told her the orphanage didn't know her family or when she was born, so they just had to guess.
Since then, she has opened up even more with memories of her birth family. Sometimes it seems as if she feels safe opening up to us, and sometimes it seems like she expects us to turn our backs on her if we find out "the truth."
We are thankful to have adopted an older child who remembers so much of her past. It's helpful to know a bit about her first years of life.
In many ways, we are just like her. We wonder why God chose to adopt us, as we are, as His children. We fear that God will one day find out the truth about us and reject us. It may be a long time before T fully grasps God's unconditional love for her. It's still hard for us to understand!
We want her to understand that we adopted her because God adopted us. We want her to know that she will always be our child and we will always love her and keep her, even when life gets tough.
As a side note, she's been teasing me about my muffin-top snacking belly lately. She said, "Maybe you could have a baby in there." I told her I didn't want to have a baby from my belly, because she's my baby and I just want her.
