humbling provision

Kyle and I attended a funeral last weekend. A retired Army Colonel with a quick wit and a heart of gold, a member of our closest family circle, and a friend to Tarana even though she never got to meet him. He had looked forward to meeting her and wanted her to call him "Big Poppy."

During the memorial service, one of John's sons told the story of how, when the Colonel found out how much money we needed to meet our adoption expenses and travel to India, he gladly sent us a check, without being asked.

He also insisted on knowing the names of the Indian judges in charge of her adoption case, just in case his powerful connections around the world might be able to help move things along for us. He was determined to do everything in his power to get her home, and for that we will be forever graeful.

He explained his contribution as "the right thing to do for a little girl."

His wife Sandra was equally supportive of our adoption process. She passed away less than a month before he did. We had planned to introduce Tarana to them last time we were in town, a week after Tarana came home, but John was in the hospital and didn't want Tarana to see him like that.

No one knew that Sandra was sick too until she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer a week after our missed chance to visit them. And now they're both gone. These friends who gave so generously to bring home a little girl they had never met will never meet her this side of heaven.

I hope they knew what a joyful, delightful child she is, and how much our family needed her.

John and Sandra are some of the many people who helped us bring our little girl home. When we started the adoption process, we had no idea where the money would come from. We certainly didn't have it. Not even in savings. There was no way we could have paid the adoption expenses ourselves. But the love, support and funds we needed poured in from the most unexpected people. And the most generous were those who had the least to give.

I can't even begin to list and thank everyone who helped, but you know who you are, and God knows who you are, and your support helped our hearts just as much as our fundraiser account. We know that even the grants we received came from individual donations made to the adoption grant organizations.

And then there were the friends who served us in other ways to meet our needs, by helping us sell our fundraising items, organizing a silent art auction, finding connections in India, providing us with cell phones for use in country, watching our dogs and stocking our pantry while we were in India, showering Tarana with gifts of clothing, books and toys, and helping us through this time of transition with patience and understanding.

We will always remember John and Sandra, and so many others who showed so much generosity toward Tarana and us.

I pray that we will never forget how God used the gifts of His people to bring our daughter home. May this always be a reminder of His never wavering faithfulness toward His people.
Thanks be to God.
 

mud and rain

“Two men look out the same prison bars; one sees mud and the other stars.”  
Sometimes it's hard to see the stars when there's so much mud.

I read somewhere that sometimes, what we really need is a friend who will sit with us in our mud puddles, who will be there for us in our messes, quietly, supportively.

That's why I didn't leave Tarana sitting on the curb alone this afternoon. Her tantrum was over, her grandparents had gone home, her dad hadn't yet returned from his weekend out of town and she was sitting there with her head in her hands, quietly crying, unable to communicate her feelings.

We sat there and stared out into the neighborhood. I told her about the birds singing, the dogs barking, the trees dancing, the sun shining, and the bugs crawling, until finally she heard me, and noticed an ant. It was a nice ant, she said, and it wouldn't bite her. It was crawling on her hand. And then we noticed a slug. And then a bug. And she was back.


I know there have been times when I've been too absorbed in disappointments to notice the beauty around me. I want to say I understand her inner turmoil, but I don't. How can I? I don't even know where she's been. I don't know what has happened to her in her life. I don't know how many people have left her and never returned. I've never been an orphan, never had a new family, never been forced into a new culture. In many ways, she doesn't fully understand us either. She doesn't understand how much we love her.

One of my favorite songs says, "I can't stop the rain from fallin' down on you again. I can't stop the rain, but I will hold you til it goes away."
I can't change Tarana's past or explain the confusion of her present circumstances, but I can sit with her on the curb while she cries and thinks, and I can distract her with stories about slugs and bugs.

Often, when she and Kyle drop me off at work, she covers her face so I can't kiss her goodbye. That's her way of showing me that she doesn't want me to leave. But I want her to know that I will never leave her, that I will always come back home. So I always kiss her anyway, and say "I love you and there's nothing you can do about it." And that's the truth.

Why Have Children?

Since Tarana's been home, more and more people have been asking me why we adopted. I get questions like, "what, you couldn't have your own kids?" Hmm...

And I'm not offended, really, ok, maybe a little annoyed by the implications of that question, as if biological children are more valuable and desirable than adopted children, but not offended, no.

So I started thinking about it. These are the questions we had to ask ourselves when we got married and pregnancy became possible. We wanted children. We love children! So how should we proceed? Should we pursue pregnancy right away or wait? Was it too early to pursue our dream of adoption?


If we had chosen to pursue pregnancy, why would that be?

Is it because my biological clock tells me it's about time I get pregnant?
Well, as a matter of fact, my biological clock does try to pull that one on me from time to time, but I just remind it that pregnancy is not the plan for our family.

Do we need to populate the earth?
No, that's already been overdone.

Do we need to produce an heir?
No, we're not royalty, so the inheritance we pass on to our children won't have to be determined by blood relation.

Do we want to carry on the family name?
No, we don't, and even if we did think that a matter of importance, our brothers have already taken care of that for us. Thanks, brothers. :) And...adopted children get to own the family name as equally as biological children, so no. Not an issue.
As Kyle says, adopted children are just as important to the family name as biological children because it's not the 7th century and we're not warring clans between vikings and Anglo-Saxons trying to divide territories based on bloodlines.

Do we need to produce workers to carry on the family business?
Nope.

Do we want to reproduce to carry on our good genes?
No. I mean, I know what you're thinking. It's a shame not to bless the world by passing on our genetic charm, good looks and superior intelligence, but we're just not into that. Nobody's perfect.

Should we have children because children are a joy and a blessing?
Yes! And guess what? Adopted children are just as much fun as biological children! True story!

As for questions about why we should adopt, well I could go on and on. Do you really want to get me started on that?

I love all of you who have and are choosing to grow your families by birthing babies, but that's just not our calling.