Not Only Skin Deep

Tarana had a fantastic six day beach vacation with my parents last week. She rolled around the water in a big, clear, plastic beach ball, went on a dolphin sightseeing boat, collected seashells, swam in the ocean, made sandcastles, played at a water park, and threw a few tantrums. She also decided she DOES NOT like to eat shrimp. Weirdo :)

When I met my parents to pick her up, she strolled into the restaurant beaming, browner than ever, wearing her shades, and said "rawr," with her dino claws in the air, acting out a "surprise" appearance. I hugged her and she started chattering away about her trip. The first thing she told me was that she saw dolphins at the beach and asked if I remembered when we saw dolphins at the aquarium one day when "I sad, but you and dad happy." Oh yes, I remember.

The second thing she told me, pointing to her cheeks, was, "Mom, look my face. Spots." Yep. She had sun pimples. Or something like that. And she was concerned. My newly adopted, six or seven-year-old Indian child is concerned about her pimples. I love that she turns to me for beauty solutions. She has mentioned her beauty concerns before. She is worried about other blemishes on her skin, too. She is fascinated by my morning and evening beauty routines, and often asks me to put some makeup on HER face, too. When she got home from the beach, I taught her how to wash her face, and now she proudly washes every night!

I have always been self-conscious about the blemishes on my face, too. I have tried so many products to clear up my skin! But nothing really works. And this really didn't matter until now, when I have my daughter's self-esteem to look after as well as my own. So I decided to try something new.

Because our finances have been so tight with our job transitions, and because I would love to have extra funds available to donate to other families' adoptions, I decided to become a consultant for Rodan and Fields, the dermatologists who created Proactive. These doctors have expanded their product line to include treatments for anti-aging, eczema, psoriasis, scars, dark spots, etc! I can't wait to use these products to help Tarana become more confident in her appearance!

For the months of June and July, I am donating fifty percent of my Rodan + Fields commission to friends who are in the beginning stages of their adoption! We have been so blessed by the generosity of God's people helping us in our adoption. Now, we want to be the ones to bless others in their adoption journey!

I'm so excited! And so nervous! I'm not a salesperson AT ALL! And I would never sell something I didn't believe to be useful and high-quality. So I'm trusting God to bless this business. After all, "unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain." (Psalm 127:1). I hope my investment in this business will not be in vain. I hope this will be an avenue of the Lord's provision for our family's financial needs and for the financial needs of other adoptive families. I also hope to find customers and teammates who will experience success with these products and feel more confident and beautiful!

End shameless plug.

In other news, please pray for us, specifically for a peaceful, on-schedule bedtime routine. Transitions are hard. Thank you for praying.

Business Links:
Fundraiser Facebook Page
My Rodan and Fields Business page

Lord, have mercy.

All the adoption training books and advisors say that newly adopted children should not be immediately subjected to the hectic schedules of their new families. That is exactly right. But that's not how it is with us, and so our house is out. of. control.

Ideally, I would be a stay-at-home mom. My husband would come home from work at the same time every night, and I would have supper ready so we could all eat together as a family. Tarana would have a set schedule. She would know what time to expect meals. She would know when we all wake up, who leaves the house when, what time we take a shower, and bedtime would be at the same time each and every night. There would be no meltdowns.

That's not gonna happen any time soon. I have been working irregular hours, and Kyle has been a stay-at-home dad most of the time. We did get her a calendar with photos to show what to expect each day, and that has helped some, but still. Oh. my. goodness. gracious.

This week, Kyle started going to school full time (PRAISE THE LORD FOR THE G.I. BILL), and Tarana started going to summer day camp (PRAISE THE LORD FOR OUR CHURCH). My work hours are still sporadic, and everyone is more exhausted at the end of the day. And the dishes are piled up in the sink. And there are toys strewn everywhere. And sometimes the dogs have to remind us about their meals. Chaos.

Evenings have been hard. Mornings have been hard. Kicking. Screaming. Thrashing. Arguing.
Lord, have mercy. Tarana is trying to show us that she needs a predictable schedule and much more of our attention. The more comfortable she becomes with us, the more she expresses her totally understandable outrage at being thrown into this new life full of uncertainties.

I know. I'm complaining. I'm sorry. And I know that none of these circumstances are surprising to God. He knew all about this before she came home. He knew I would be starting a crazy new job at almost the exact time that we got the call to go to India. This job has been God's provision for our family, and I am thankful. I am. Like it or not, we do need to earn money to buy food and shelter and our American lifestyle. God knows all of that. He's not surprised by any of this, and we are in the palm of His hands. And I trust Him. But it's hard.

Even still, going into this adoption, we knew it would be hard. We are just happy she's not running with knives. Yet. We are thankful for Tarana. She is perfect for us. And everything would be better if only we could have the ideal, predictably scheduled life we have dreamed of. Does anything ever work out exactly the way we plan? No. Because God's plan is always better than ours. There is a reason for every little detail. Every little inconvenience. Every little circumstance.

So what do you do when you've had all the best advice in the world, but you can't follow it because you don't have the time or resources? You pray. And you cry. And you reach out to your friends. Thank GOD for our community of supportive friends.

Happily, Tarana is often willing to discuss her feelings. She is so funny about the work situation. We tell her I have to work for money so we can buy food, so she points out all the cups of coins we have around the house and says we have plenty of money. She says if I don't like work, I should go to school with her and play like everybody else. She is sweet and considerate. And oh, is she ever passionate about EVERYTHING.

And soon, I will be finished with this sporadic job. I will have some summer time with my sweet girl, and then I will start working a more predictable job as a teacher at a new school. I will also be running a new home business with Rodan + Fields. And Kyle is loving school so far, which makes me everso happy. So the future is promising. And everything is going to be perfect. And there will be no more tantrums, ever. Right? A girl can dream.

 

the princess and the bear



Last week, Tarana accidentally left the door open, and our old, fat, yellow, completely necessary and beloved dog, Opus, snuck out of the house in search of adventure.

Tarana says (and demonstrates) that he must have sneakily tip-toed behind the couch as she and Kyle were watching TV. What a stinker, right?!

Kyle ran all around the neighborhood searching for Opus. We were so worried. I was at work, so all I could do was post a frantic facebook status. Minutes later, my cousin did an internet search and found Opus' photo on our city's local list of recently impounded animals. By that time, the pound had already scanned Opus for his microchip and called Kyle. Thank goodness the city made us get that microchip against our will!

Well, Tarana is very fond of Opus. When Kyle told her they would be able to get Opus out of "jail" the next day, she said she wanted him to stay there. She was adamant with both of us that she would not be going to get Opus out of jail. She obviously felt that her loyal friend, a dear loved one, had abandoned her, as she has been abandoned by others before. She was angry!

So I told her a story. Clearly, there must have been a bad bear roaming the neighborhood, threatening our family. The bear must have tried to come in our house, and Opus had to run it off. Opus succeeded in protecting our family, because we never did see that bear, but not without a fight. Unfortunately, a police officer drove by and saw the epic battle between that bad bear and our beloved Opus. And so both animals were arrested and taken to jail. It was just a misunderstanding. Since both animals were fighting, the police thought they were both bad.

Poor Opus, taking the fall for protecting our family.

Tarana was skeptical at first, but now this is the official story of Opus' having to spend a night away from home.

When she and Kyle went to bail Opus out the next day, Opus was thrilled to see them.

Walking out of the pound, Tarana looked at Kyle and said, "Where bear? Oh yeh. In jail." She's a believer, y'all.

After Opus was home, and when I came home from work, Tarana greeted me, enthusiastically waving this photo in her hand. "Look, mom!," she said. "Your princess and your bear!" This is because she knows how often we refer to Opus as our protector bear, and we always tell her that she is our precious, beautiful princess. Later, Tarana wanted to display the photo in the house. She taped it up on the map in my bedroom, right below India. She told Kyle she wanted it "on the wall so mom can see every morning." She knows I love her. And she knows how much time I spend looking at that map!

So my friends, I stand beside one of my favorite quotes, which says, "Fairy tales do not tell children the dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children the dragons can be killed."

Fairy tales are absolutely necessary. I will, therefore, make up fairy tales to explain anything and everything until the day I die. :)

humbling provision

Kyle and I attended a funeral last weekend. A retired Army Colonel with a quick wit and a heart of gold, a member of our closest family circle, and a friend to Tarana even though she never got to meet him. He had looked forward to meeting her and wanted her to call him "Big Poppy."

During the memorial service, one of John's sons told the story of how, when the Colonel found out how much money we needed to meet our adoption expenses and travel to India, he gladly sent us a check, without being asked.

He also insisted on knowing the names of the Indian judges in charge of her adoption case, just in case his powerful connections around the world might be able to help move things along for us. He was determined to do everything in his power to get her home, and for that we will be forever graeful.

He explained his contribution as "the right thing to do for a little girl."

His wife Sandra was equally supportive of our adoption process. She passed away less than a month before he did. We had planned to introduce Tarana to them last time we were in town, a week after Tarana came home, but John was in the hospital and didn't want Tarana to see him like that.

No one knew that Sandra was sick too until she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer a week after our missed chance to visit them. And now they're both gone. These friends who gave so generously to bring home a little girl they had never met will never meet her this side of heaven.

I hope they knew what a joyful, delightful child she is, and how much our family needed her.

John and Sandra are some of the many people who helped us bring our little girl home. When we started the adoption process, we had no idea where the money would come from. We certainly didn't have it. Not even in savings. There was no way we could have paid the adoption expenses ourselves. But the love, support and funds we needed poured in from the most unexpected people. And the most generous were those who had the least to give.

I can't even begin to list and thank everyone who helped, but you know who you are, and God knows who you are, and your support helped our hearts just as much as our fundraiser account. We know that even the grants we received came from individual donations made to the adoption grant organizations.

And then there were the friends who served us in other ways to meet our needs, by helping us sell our fundraising items, organizing a silent art auction, finding connections in India, providing us with cell phones for use in country, watching our dogs and stocking our pantry while we were in India, showering Tarana with gifts of clothing, books and toys, and helping us through this time of transition with patience and understanding.

We will always remember John and Sandra, and so many others who showed so much generosity toward Tarana and us.

I pray that we will never forget how God used the gifts of His people to bring our daughter home. May this always be a reminder of His never wavering faithfulness toward His people.
Thanks be to God.
 

mud and rain

“Two men look out the same prison bars; one sees mud and the other stars.”  
Sometimes it's hard to see the stars when there's so much mud.

I read somewhere that sometimes, what we really need is a friend who will sit with us in our mud puddles, who will be there for us in our messes, quietly, supportively.

That's why I didn't leave Tarana sitting on the curb alone this afternoon. Her tantrum was over, her grandparents had gone home, her dad hadn't yet returned from his weekend out of town and she was sitting there with her head in her hands, quietly crying, unable to communicate her feelings.

We sat there and stared out into the neighborhood. I told her about the birds singing, the dogs barking, the trees dancing, the sun shining, and the bugs crawling, until finally she heard me, and noticed an ant. It was a nice ant, she said, and it wouldn't bite her. It was crawling on her hand. And then we noticed a slug. And then a bug. And she was back.


I know there have been times when I've been too absorbed in disappointments to notice the beauty around me. I want to say I understand her inner turmoil, but I don't. How can I? I don't even know where she's been. I don't know what has happened to her in her life. I don't know how many people have left her and never returned. I've never been an orphan, never had a new family, never been forced into a new culture. In many ways, she doesn't fully understand us either. She doesn't understand how much we love her.

One of my favorite songs says, "I can't stop the rain from fallin' down on you again. I can't stop the rain, but I will hold you til it goes away."
I can't change Tarana's past or explain the confusion of her present circumstances, but I can sit with her on the curb while she cries and thinks, and I can distract her with stories about slugs and bugs.

Often, when she and Kyle drop me off at work, she covers her face so I can't kiss her goodbye. That's her way of showing me that she doesn't want me to leave. But I want her to know that I will never leave her, that I will always come back home. So I always kiss her anyway, and say "I love you and there's nothing you can do about it." And that's the truth.

Why Have Children?

Since Tarana's been home, more and more people have been asking me why we adopted. I get questions like, "what, you couldn't have your own kids?" Hmm...

And I'm not offended, really, ok, maybe a little annoyed by the implications of that question, as if biological children are more valuable and desirable than adopted children, but not offended, no.

So I started thinking about it. These are the questions we had to ask ourselves when we got married and pregnancy became possible. We wanted children. We love children! So how should we proceed? Should we pursue pregnancy right away or wait? Was it too early to pursue our dream of adoption?


If we had chosen to pursue pregnancy, why would that be?

Is it because my biological clock tells me it's about time I get pregnant?
Well, as a matter of fact, my biological clock does try to pull that one on me from time to time, but I just remind it that pregnancy is not the plan for our family.

Do we need to populate the earth?
No, that's already been overdone.

Do we need to produce an heir?
No, we're not royalty, so the inheritance we pass on to our children won't have to be determined by blood relation.

Do we want to carry on the family name?
No, we don't, and even if we did think that a matter of importance, our brothers have already taken care of that for us. Thanks, brothers. :) And...adopted children get to own the family name as equally as biological children, so no. Not an issue.
As Kyle says, adopted children are just as important to the family name as biological children because it's not the 7th century and we're not warring clans between vikings and Anglo-Saxons trying to divide territories based on bloodlines.

Do we need to produce workers to carry on the family business?
Nope.

Do we want to reproduce to carry on our good genes?
No. I mean, I know what you're thinking. It's a shame not to bless the world by passing on our genetic charm, good looks and superior intelligence, but we're just not into that. Nobody's perfect.

Should we have children because children are a joy and a blessing?
Yes! And guess what? Adopted children are just as much fun as biological children! True story!

As for questions about why we should adopt, well I could go on and on. Do you really want to get me started on that?

I love all of you who have and are choosing to grow your families by birthing babies, but that's just not our calling.

one month in

Tarana has been home a month now. She is beautiful. She is brilliant. She is opinionated. She is talented.

We are so thankful for her! I stare at her and the mantra in my mind is "Thank you, thank you, thank you, Jesus."

I love her sweet good morning smiles. I love her loud, joyful laughter. I even love her for her moments of rebellion and defiance because it means she trusts us enough to disagree with us, and she values herself enough to make her preferences known. I love to see her jump on the bed and on the couch, even though she's usually still wearing her shoes and it makes a mess. I love to see her playing with our dogs.

I love her innocence. Other six and seven-year-olds I know are crushing on pop stars and mimicing fashion trends. She is picky about the clothes she chooses each day, but she isn't concerned with fashion trends at all, to be sure. She dresses as she wishes, and we don't interfere!

Tarana is into princesses, nursery songs, animals, books and dolls. She laughs hysterically at Disney movies, and jumps up and down when she hears the Veggie Tales theme song. When we clap, dance and sing at home, she joins in. She is such a joyful child!

She eats a lot! And she's no longer vegetarian! Her choice! She asked for meat about two weeks after being home. To be sure she knew what she was eating, we showed her pictures of the animals before we served her, but she wanted to eat it anyway, and she loves it! So we all eat the same food now, except she loves eggplant (a favorite from India, she says) and I can't eat that. I'm allergic.

She loves interacting with other kids, and mothers the smallest ones. She is so gentle with babies, and delighted to be with them! She comments on their small hands, feet and smiles.

She and Kyle have so much fun together during the day while I'm at work. When I come home, she and I go on walks together and talk about the day. I love the way she uses her developing English to speak her mind.

We have fun with our morning and bedtime routines. Nights can be the hardest times for her, emotionally, but she makes it through, and she loves story time! Sometimes, in the middle of the night, she calls my name. Thank goodness for the baby monitors connecting our bedrooms! Kyle says that Tarana's voice calling out to me is the only sound that will wake me up at night, and I think he's right! She wakes me up because she's cold and needs to be tucked in, or hot and needs the fan turned on, or itchy and needs lotion applied. I've been surprised to discover that I don't mind getting up in the middle of the night for her. I love being able to meet her needs. I love being her mom.